how long ago
was it
that we ran around barefoot
busy with being
jostling jesus in jelly jars
holes poked in the top
for
breathing
these days i have hands
covering my mouth
chains on my ankles
and this terrain might be full
of the landmines
you left
behind
i tap out some sort of primitive music
on my temples
i tap teaspoonstogether
to remember
you sing.
we were born of blessings from twin sisters
gathering flowers in summer
opposite meadows heather and daffodils
all this purple
and
gold
from a midas who was missing
and left a legacy of papercuts and silence
unopened letters
a babylon of bumblebees
honey and tea
how long ago were we simple
did we set sights
on each other
each sculpting a father
disarming a mother
buried in blankets
a mirror, a lover
before the snow came
or august had died and the stingstains
of loss and the
Great Wall of Pride
that took this 500 piece
puzzle apart
in flesh and form
and hand
and heart.
388 days later
and i'm still drowning
in these dreams
the moon still tips upside down
drinking in all the black
the sky will share
time has not healed these wounds
but i have learned to hide them
my hope still chokes me
sometimes when i move too fast
through doorways
and my legs still wobble on
reflex
when it rains
when it rains at night
when it rains at night and i open the
window
to get closer to you
and birds tell me
secrets
birds laugh in the trees
your mama cries
and i listen
and i learn to love something
i'll never see
moving away from you
baby steps
but i wouldn't exactly call it
moving on
the phone echoes in the morning and i pick
it up
but you're not there
another illusion miraged into
my memory
i'm surrounded by winter and
missing mouths and everything murmurs
and i can't decide if
i made a mistake some other december
when i made you an offer under the mistletoe
so i'm making a list
of things i need
and so far
all i can come up with
is
a little more
or less
of you.
